Synttarit! - BIRTHDAY!

Eilen oli kuopuksen synttarit ja pitihan se kakku tehda (ja syodakin). Mietin aikaa 16 vuotta sitten kun olin laitoksella lasta hakemassa - oli uskomattoman kylma ja luminen talvi. Menin sairaalaan tapanina kun piti paivaa ennen leikkausta olla osastolla ja kaikki oli varattu ja jarjestetty valmiiksi pari viikkoa aikaisemmin. Kavelin hamaraa, kynttilanvalaisemaa kaytavaa pitkin, joulu tuntui olevan lasna jopa sairaalassa. Koputin toimiston ovelle ja esittelin itseni. Hoitaja taivasteli etta ei taalla ole listalla ketaan sinun nimistasi, oi etta mitas tassa nyt, kaypa istumaan hetkeksi. Hienoa, ajattelin mielessani, tama tuntuu alkavan erinomaisesti. Loytyihan se sitten paikka majatalossa ja seuraavana aamuna kun minua karrattiin leikkaussaliin, kavi ilmi etta eihan sita ollut varattu (kun eivat tienneet minun olevan tulossa) ja hieman selkapiita karmi kun kuuluttelivat radioon etta oliskos nukutuslaakaria jossain. Ei siina mitaan, loytyi leikkuri ja unimatti, vauva saatiin ulos ja kaikki hyvin - paitsi koska joku ei ollut varannut paikkaa minulle, ei ollut myoskaan papereita tilattu (kas kun tama oli eri sairaala tyystin kuin missa kaksi ensimmaista olin saanut) ja siksipa eivat myoskaan varautuneet seurauksiin. En niihin minakaan tassa muuten puutu kuin etta henkikulta oli hiuskarvan varassa hetken aikaa, onneksi poika oli terve! Siis naita kaikkia tuossa eilen mietiskelin - kakkua laitellessa.
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It was the youngest's birthday yesterday and a cake had to be made (and eaten) -of course!
I thought of the time 16 years ago when I was in the hospital for the c-section that had been booked and arranged for the day after Boxing Day. It was an extremely cold and snowy winter.Walking down the candle-lit dark corridor to the office I felt the presence of Christmas even in the hospital. I approached the nurse in the office and introduced myself. The nurse checked the list and stated that I am not on the list, oh dear, what now, oh, wait in the corridor for a moment. Great, I thought, this seems to be going to plan - not. Well, in the end they found a place in the Inn for me. Next morning when they were wheeling me to the Operating Room, they were constanly paging for someone to anastethise me. And operate on me. To everyone's relief both were found. There were some hairy moments before the happy ending, see, when someone had not done what they should have done when the place allegedly was booked for me, they had not ordered my notes either (this was a different hospital to the one I had had my first two) and hence they did not have all the needed info about me. For a while it was touch and go but I will not delve into those moments in this blog.
Luckily the baby boy was healthy and all ended well. This kind of thoughts I had whilst preparing the cake for my son's birthday yesterday!

HYVAA JOULUA - MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Nyt alkaa olla se ihana hetki kun voi todeta etta mika jai tekematta tahi ostamatta myos sikseen jaa - tai sitten uusiks ens vuonna :-). Kinkku on paistettu, lohi suolattu, laatikot odottavat lammitysta ja rosolli on sekoittamista vaille valmis. Kuusi on koristeltu ja lahjat ovat sievasti kuusen alla.

Tana vuonna joulu tuli ihan kuin salavihkaa, en stressannut, hossottanyt tai juossut kaupasta kauppaan - silti kaikki tarvittava on tehty. Todella rento ja rauhallinen jouluolo.

Kaikille lukijoilleni haluan nyt toivottaa erityisen hyvaa ja rauhallista joulua seka verrattoman onnellista ja menestyksekasta uutta vuotta! Kiitos tasta vuodesta!

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It is finally the time to accept that what has not been done or bought will inevitably not be done anymore - unless maybe  next year. Gammon is ready, gravad lax as well, bakes awaiting to be heated and rosolli (beetroot based salad) just need tossing. Tree has been decorated and all presents are prettily laid under the tree.

This year Christmas crept up on me, I did not get stressed, no flapping was involved neither mad rush from shop to shop - yet all necessary has been achieved. I have the most relaxed calm Christmas feeling ever!

I wish all my followers Exceedingly Merry and Peaceful Christmas and Happy and Prosperous New Year!
Thank you as well  for this year almost gone!

Tyynta myrskyn edella - calm before storm!?

On aina tosi ihanaa kun on perjantai-ilta ja koko viikonloppu viela edessa, taysi vastakohta sunnuntai-illan ahdistukselle. Tana viikonloppuna tosin on ahdistuksen aiheita yllin kyllin horisontissa kun on vain ja ainoastaan nama pari paivaa aikaa touhuta koko joulun kirjo. Joskus toivon etta olisin samanlainen kuin muutamat tuntemani henkilot jotka toteavat lokakuun puolivalissa etta "No niin, joulu on pulkassa!" Siis IHAN TOTTA, ei kai noin organisoitunut voi ihan ollakaan. Toisaalta, tana vuonna olen huomannut etta se normaali jouluahdistus ei ole purrut - viela ainakaan. On sellainen olo etta jos kuusen, kinkun ja muut ruoat saa aikaiseksi ja paketin jokaiselle niin siinahan se on. Joulu ilman suorituspaineita ja stressia, olisko se sittenkin mahdollista?
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It is so lovely, it is Friday night and the whole weekend ahead. Just such opposite feeling  to the angst-ridden Sunday night. Although, this weekend there are lots of  reasons for angst and anxiety looming in the horizon as these are the only days I have to "make the Christmas happen". Sometimes I wish that I were more like some people I know who just calmly state in the middle of October: "Right, I am ready for Christmas, done it all now!" I mean, REALLY, no one can be that organised. On the other hand, this year is somehow different as the standard Christmas angst has not hit me, at least yet. I just feel that if I manage to get the tree, gammon with other special food and a present each then that is it. Would it be possible after all to have Christmas without performance pressures and stress?

No johan sita aikaa vierahti.../ Some time has gone by....

tata blogin kirjoittamista ihmetellessa ja kummastellessa. Tykkaan kovasti lukea toisten blogeja mutta omat tekemiset ja tekematta jattamiset tuntuvat niin vahapatoisilta tanne virtuaalimaailmaan tuulettaa. Mutta, voihan sita ajatella etta itselleen kirjoittelee - omaksi iloksi ja muistin tueksi kun alkaa tuo pahalainen pettaa valilla. Ihan kun miettiin etta mitas sita tapahtui vuosi sitten, saati vuosikymmen takaperin niin ei tahdo pieni muisti ollenkaan pelata. Eli, tama on nyt sitten virtuaalipaivakirjan syntyhetki. Muistelmia joiden todellisuudesta oikeastaa vain minulla on tarkka kasitys! Vaikka yritan toki olla hyvin todenmukainen, muutenhan tasta tulee satukirja. *HIH*

...whilst I have pondered and wondered about whether or not to write. I love to read others' blogs but my own "shenanigans" seem so not worthy of the space in the virtual world. But, I could think that I am just writing for myself -for  my own amusement and to  support my badly flaking memory. Just thinking of what has happened a year ago, let alone a decade ago triggers almost nothing in the grey cells. Alas, this is now the official birth of my virtual diary. Memories of which I am the only (lonely) witness. Only I can tell  how accurate they are although I do try to be truthful in order not to turn this diary into a storybook. :-)

Eldest's birthday and new kitten!

I love kittens! Everything about them, the way they move, sleep, meaow, just everything. I got a new kitten to celebrate my eldest's birthday, not for a present but for a nice surprice. He is only barely 7 weeks old and cute as anything.

Mayday Eve?? Vappuaatto!

This blog seems to get one post a month, time is just flying by. Here in Enland today is not a public holiday, if people are drinking that is purely because it is Friday. We do have an extra holiday - Bank Holiday - on Monday but it is nothing like a Finnish Vappu!

A lot has happened since my last post, we (me and my kids) went to Finland and spent couple of weeks there over Easter. It was lovely to see friends and family I have not seen for a decade. We got to experience the rapid melting of snow, one moment there was mountains of snow, the next it was almost gone. Now I am planning to go again in late July so that my kids can see the Finnish summer (which they have not experienced in 12 years). I can hardly wait!

I feel that my life is getting a bit easier, teenagers are growing up and there are less drastic life or death moments. Maybe one day I can live my private life without anyone bringing sudden changes to it. Sounds boring, but after what I have gone through, even the most boring life will be too full of happenings.

Maybe, just maybe it is finally my turn, I have supported everyone else in their lives, and now, come hell or high water - it is my turn. I am planning a career change, not immediately but maybe within the next 2 -3 years. My current profession has truly run its course and I would like to try my hand on new challenges, put the experience and skills I have gathered over the hard years in positive use. I might even be able to help someone see more clearly when they are weighing up their options in life.

I would like to wish a really good Vappu for everyone!

Coming of age...

I cannot believe that I have two adult children, me! barely an adult myself. (hmm... officially I am very much an adult, it is just the silly head that will not accept it.)

My middle child, just a baby not very long ago. is going to be 18 this week. I look at him and see a reflection of his father, whom I met when he was far younger than my son is now. I look at him and think to myself, how very young we were, his father and I, and yet how very adults we thought we were. It was love at first sight, I was swept off my feet and fell head over heels....

I cast my mind back to this time 18 years ago, the birth of a big healthy baby boy, the happiness we both felt. Things were still mostly ok, we had a beautiful 3 year old daughter and now a bouncing baby boy. Any niggling concerns were still small enough to be ignored...

I am not sure how I feel.... I'll try to figure it out...

It has been a year today...

... and it does not feel any more real than this time last year when the news hit me. I fear that I am actually not dealing with the death of a very important person but just managing to pretend that nothing has happened. I spent so many years dreading the moment, so much so that when it happened I could not really feel anything.

I wish that I could still feel as deeply as I was able when I was younger but it appears that I have become more thick-skinned the older I become.

I hope he has found the peace he was not able to find when alive. I remember him and our life together every day, I see him in our children and have set my mind to let the good times take over the bad ones.

I am not quite sure what I think or whether I am able to convey it in any way but still wanted to have this day as a milestone. I might have to start moving on.... whatever that means!

Sad news, sad month?

I just got sad news about a good colleague and friend. She was diagnosed in October with cancer and today she died.

It is 8 days to the first anniversary of my children's father's death and in 11 days it is 10 years since my mother died. I must say that February is starting to feel like a bleak month with all these deaths.

So, maybe, it is a good month for a new blog to be born.

I need to explore things that matter to me, hopefully find likeminded people to talk to or even people who want to disagree but also debate and maybe end up agreeing to disagree.

One of life's big mysteries is death and, for someone who has always had trouble dealing with finalising things or accepting that there is nothing else to be done in some situations, death is the ultimate challenge to handle.

Hi!

My very first post ever in my very first blog ever!!! I am not quite sure yet what to do and so on so please be patient with me if you find yourself on this page.

I'll be back soon :-) Have a nice day