It has been a year today...

... and it does not feel any more real than this time last year when the news hit me. I fear that I am actually not dealing with the death of a very important person but just managing to pretend that nothing has happened. I spent so many years dreading the moment, so much so that when it happened I could not really feel anything.

I wish that I could still feel as deeply as I was able when I was younger but it appears that I have become more thick-skinned the older I become.

I hope he has found the peace he was not able to find when alive. I remember him and our life together every day, I see him in our children and have set my mind to let the good times take over the bad ones.

I am not quite sure what I think or whether I am able to convey it in any way but still wanted to have this day as a milestone. I might have to start moving on.... whatever that means!

Sad news, sad month?

I just got sad news about a good colleague and friend. She was diagnosed in October with cancer and today she died.

It is 8 days to the first anniversary of my children's father's death and in 11 days it is 10 years since my mother died. I must say that February is starting to feel like a bleak month with all these deaths.

So, maybe, it is a good month for a new blog to be born.

I need to explore things that matter to me, hopefully find likeminded people to talk to or even people who want to disagree but also debate and maybe end up agreeing to disagree.

One of life's big mysteries is death and, for someone who has always had trouble dealing with finalising things or accepting that there is nothing else to be done in some situations, death is the ultimate challenge to handle.

Hi!

My very first post ever in my very first blog ever!!! I am not quite sure yet what to do and so on so please be patient with me if you find yourself on this page.

I'll be back soon :-) Have a nice day