... and it does not feel any more real than this time last year when the news hit me. I fear that I am actually not dealing with the death of a very important person but just managing to pretend that nothing has happened. I spent so many years dreading the moment, so much so that when it happened I could not really feel anything.
I wish that I could still feel as deeply as I was able when I was younger but it appears that I have become more thick-skinned the older I become.
I hope he has found the peace he was not able to find when alive. I remember him and our life together every day, I see him in our children and have set my mind to let the good times take over the bad ones.
I am not quite sure what I think or whether I am able to convey it in any way but still wanted to have this day as a milestone. I might have to start moving on.... whatever that means!
En oikein tiedä, mitä sanoa. Riipaisevaa tekstiä, surullista. Toivon, että pääset surusi yli, balanssiin sen kanssa. Ehkä se suurin suru ja tunteet ovat vielä edessä... halaus.
ReplyDeleteKiitos Elegia!
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so sorry. Just found my way here through Elegia. I don't know what I would do if something happened to my husband. But I always fear that because of his illness. I really don't know what to say. Just that I strongly believe in the afterlife and that the dead are with us even though we can't see them. But maybe we can sometimes feel or sense them. I wish you and your children all the best.
ReplyDeleteThank you Helena
ReplyDelete